Is your bed made?

stress, stress, stress, & more good ol' stress*

I'm seriously stressing my mind out, because I cared about you so much. You don't see it, but I care about you so much & I love you so much. I can't let my mind keep getting like this, stress isn't good for the soul. I can't even study in peace really anymore. I'm stressing out dude.
STRESSINGOUTSTRESSINGOUTSTRESSINGOUTStReSsInGoUt~




I'm casting my worries and cares on you, Lord. I know You are greater than I, and know what's best. Please take this stress & use it to Your glory. I love you.

I love you so dearly, Christian

When you asked me to be yours, on that one night in April, you completely changed my life. I had no idea what was going to happen, or that we would even last long. That was April 9, 2008, 17 months ago, and we've had our rough times, but we are making it through.
I love you more than ever.


The way you put your hands in front of your face, to try and be cute, when you know I already thought that. The way your hair will stick straight up in the mornings. The way you love our LOL moments, and how comfortable you are to be yourself with me. The way the two freckles beside your eyes fit your face so adorably.

You have the power to make me fall so deeply for you, like the stains on my carpet. You have the greatest personality and I love to play around with you. I love playing video games with you and staying up (trying to) all night. I love it when you make me breakfast, and wake me up to it in bed. I love it when I hold you and you curl your hand in with yours, like a stuffed animal. I love it when you hold me tight and make me feel like the bad cannot touch me. I want to be yours for the rest of our lives, and I love you, I need you, I want you.

Relaxed

When you look up the word relaxed, it is written “the usual term in

Hypnotism, Meditation, and Physiology, means Ultimate expansion following ultimate contraction due to exhaustion.” Having a place where you can relax and unwind is a good and healthy thing for the body, and for your mind. There are two places that I truly feel relaxed and complete, and I think you’d enjoy them too.

There is a road near my home that is called Zinker Road. Around sunset, when the ground isn’t cold, but is cooling down, is when I love the road the best. There is a big open country field, houses evenly spaced, and horses. When the road starts to curve, there is a big beautiful tree right on the side of it. The tree reminds me of a storybook, or maybe from the book “The Giving Tree”. It makes me feel so at peace and easy when I see it. And when the colors in the sky show, due to the sunset, it’s really breath taking.

When I am driving down that road, with the windows rolled down, and normally playing the band called The Spill Canvas, it makes me feel so good that I just want to drive for hours and hours. I don’t really know what it is about that one tree on this road that gets to me so easily. I cannot describe it. It’s kind of like I know that there’s something wonderful behind it, that my eyes cannot see alone. But, I cannot pass it without it catching my eye. Maybe that’s why God put it there? To bring me and others around me peace after a stressful day? Everything in my life, I see it as a reflection from God. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, and that everything has a purpose, and are beautiful in its own way.

The other and most important place where I feel very relaxed is when I go outside by myself and pray. Especially when I have so much on my chest that is eating me alive. I’ve always had a close, or tried to have a close relationship with God. I cannot remember an age when I didn’t talk to Him at least once a day. If something is going on in my life, that is getting me off track or that could be stopping my growth, I don’t like who I am. I only like myself when I feel right with God. So, you can see why this would make me feel so at ease.

The first time I ever saw a shooting star was one day when I went outside to pray. I’ve heard of shooting stars, but never witnessed one for myself. One day, probably around last October, I felt messed up all day. As in, I didn’t feel right about myself, and I kept messing up. I went outside on my friend’s porch, and I just sat there and talked with God. And all of a sudden, I see this little glowing thing shoot across the sky. I saw two that night. It made me feel so great, and so peaceful.

I can’t exactly put it into words as to why these two places and actions bring me so much peace, but I don’t really know where I’d be, or what I’d do without them.

I have the worst headache

It feels like a bullet is in my brain. (I don't know what that feels like, ps)



LOL, thank you Brittany, I love you.
"I HAVE TO PEE SO BAD, I HAVE TO GO INTO THE WOODS"
"Okay, you and Brittany block me."
"Let me hold your camera, so you don't get anything on it." -Brittany
/Brittany turns around as I start to pee and "snip snip"

THANK YOU.

No lies, just love.

I had a good day yesterday, and today. Today wasn't the same old school day, all because of the late start, which I love because the classes are shorter and it's not the same exact routine daily. I need to cut my nails. I put news paper all over my wall, because I'm making something I hope will actually look good and creative.

anywho~ I LOVE THESE GIRLS \/

I had the notion

My mind doesn't know what I should think. I don't know which person I should follow. What should I do with my life? Should I go here with you? I'm nervous, and I'm scared about how you or you will react. I, I, I just don't know.

Each day seems to go by fast, especially the weekends. They say time speeds by when you are about to grow up. I believe it, and I don't want it to go by fast, but I do at the same time. I can't believe how old I am getting. I know, I'm only 17, but truly, I never thought I'd grow up. I just can't believe it. I looked over yesterday in my car, and I saw in the seat, my laptop, iphone, camera, and ipod. Those are all things I wanted when I was a little kid, well, not the iphone, obviously. But, I never thought I'd get. My car I never thought I get. God showed me how blessed I was to be able to have these things, and I'm truly thankful for each. I just can't believe how blessed I am. In ninth grade, I lost a person in a car crash, who was the most inspirational person, who was so happy with life, he moved a lot of people when he died, and made us realize how precious our life is. He's also another reason I look forward to going to Heaven. When I think about how two years ago, I was laying on my Maw Maw & Paw Paw's couch, just thinking about wanting someone, to be "in love" and how it'd never happen to me, and very soon, here comes Christian into my life. I just knew that it was God, I knew it. Well, he was always there, but he was my best friend. It all started with him saying, "I would want to date you if I live in Rock Hill, whether it worked or not, I would." When people told me when he went to my school that he thought I was so pretty, but he never told me then, but I was like, hmm, maybe I should try to date the kid, then everyone told me he was moving, so I was like, ahh, nevermind. But, that one night on aim, on April 9 of 2008, my life changed. We've been together 17 months this Wednesday, and it's been so rocky, but worth it. I was so shy before him. He really helped me grow up and be comfortable with who I am. He's a blessing to me, and no matter what people say to me about him, I'm thankful. TRULY, thankful. I love you.

I-77

Today, you went south, I went north.
The end of the weekends are the hardest for me.
Since I was a little tiny girl.

Law & Order

I've been watching Law & Order, back to back. I just can't stop! It's so good! It made me want to become someone in the law career, but I don't have enough balls to do it. I'm not good with seeing people hurt, not good at all. But, it'd be awesome to save a life, or bring someone out of pain. Right now, I have little Jack - Jack sleeping -well, laying beside me. (Christian's jack terrier). He's so tiny and so cute. I got up super early, drove to Rock Hill, went to Church with my dad and went to eat Cracker Barrel, and drove around, and then drove back to Christian's. I took a shower and then he did, and we came to the lake and then had to drive back to his house to get the dogs and food for everyone. Subway, mmmm. I had an italian BMT. SO GOOD. We came back, and we downloaded MapleStory, and it took 2 hours to download! So, we've been watching Law & Order, and then played a little. ANYWHO, bye.

and wouldn't you love to love her.

Today, I had the feeling I haven't felt in a long time. The separation anxiety type feeling I used to get when I had to split from one of my parents at the end of the weekend, and I had to watch the other one drive off alone. I surely hope everything was okay. I started pouring out tears when I got into my car, I didn't know what was wrong, but I didn't like it. I really hope everything is okay. I'm praying about it.

OH, PS

Beowulf vs. Grendel, LOL.

i love you all, SO MUCH.

I had the notion that you'd make me forget the world

You had the city in you, always in the way; You moved where the skyline and the avenue~


Today, it was like the normal school day. I FINALLY got my parking pass, but STILL got a ticket because the thing wasn't turned onto the "right" side. ....WHAT? Anywho, after school, when I dropped Courtney off, and was driving home, I started to feel shaky! It was scary, so I ate like a sandwich and two fudge rounds and headed off to Winthrop Lake for the photo shoot of Beowulf vs. Grendel for me and Chelsea's project. It got completely carried away. Then me and Brittany and Tyrenn, went and got gas and 1$ drinks and went back to Winthrop Lake and took pictures. I suddenly had to pee SO BAD. But being a lake, I had to go into the wood, and I ended up peeing on my shoe. But, I got to walk barefooted, so I don't care. Brittany took pictures of me and they laughed at my pain, but it was hilarious. I drove home listening to all hail the heart breaker by the spill canvas, once again. I can't help how good it makes me feel around sunset when I have my windows down. Then I listened to theater of robots, it makes me feel good, and I seriously sang at the top of my lungs. The sunset by my house are breath taking. My theory on sunset are that God takes a paint brush over the sky, and what He paints is what we get. But, they are seriously breath taking here. And the stars? You can actually see them, it's awesome.
I love living in the boon docks. LOL.

Forgive me for the bad quality, I took it while I was driving.

Oh London, where are you?
It's been so long.
And, oh London
I hope it's not raining where you are...
The sky is so beautiful~